A lot of singles are grudgingly asking this question and apparently, some parents too! This is also my story. Well, my parents are excited, but to me before, the long wait was killing me. I needed someone to always be there, I would go for pseudo-relationships merely because there was attraction- but instead of upgrading my self worth, it diminished more and more.
Until one fateful day, God introduced me to a Holy Spirit filled man named Bro. Bo Sanchez (if you don’t know him yet, please please look him up and follow him!) who gave a corporate talk in the company I used to work for. I was enamored by his talk that I even had the courage to ask a question amidst the hundreds of us there. That began a more serious walk with God for me. I started reading spiritual books and found myself attending The Feast-Catholic Charismatic Community of Bro. Bo Sanchez.
God was gently moving in my sinful weary heart. Back then, I had a 10 year on and off relationship with a guy I met when I was 2nd year high school. I didn’t have peace about our relationship and I also knew our values were also being compromised. Deep in my heart, I questioned if I really loved him or he just became a security blanket because I would still be in search of somebody better. I know, I know, so selfish right and so immature of me.
Little did I know that my search for romantic relationships was my attempt to fill an existing father wound in my heart.
You see, God assigned a very special role to our earthly fathers – and that is to reflect Him as our Heavenly Father, to make us feel worthy and to reveal our identity and propel us to our destiny. However, when our fathers have their own wounds to heal from their past or maybe from their own parents, even without them wanting to, they make choices that break God’s heart, and ultimately break our hearts too.
Here’s an excerpt from the book The World Needs a Father by Cassie Carstens:
The roots of tragedy were almost always buried in the same bitter ground of broken, dysfunctional or non-existent family life, the answer we’re realizing pointed to the most fundamental flaw in society: fatherlessness. . . . The children are crying. They cry, but not always knowing for what they cry. Some children can identify their longing for their fathers, while others just sense a lack deep within themselves. Boys join gangs and girls become prematurely sexually active.”
Every human being is a child of God, created after His image and likeness. But the devil does everything to destroy that – and he powerfully does so through destroying families. Consider this verse:
Ephesians 6:11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.
What is the definition of scheme? It is a large-scale systematic clever plan or arrangement for attaining some particular object or make plans in a devious way with intent to do something illegal or wrong.
I have seen that one of the most powerful schemes that the devil has employed and continues to employ is through blinding single broken people with fake love. What do I mean? So many grown men and women walk the face of the earth today with their inner wounded child inside their hearts grappling for the love of a mother or a father which they try to resolve with romantic relationships. Instead of their wounds becoming healed, they end up being harmed more.
I know a woman whose dad had several children from different women. Now as a grown woman, she lived such a promiscuous life having 8 children from different men. I know another woman who grew up in an abusive home and now finds herself married with an abusive spouse. I want to shout it from the rooftops: THIS IS NOT GOD’S WILL!!!
When two broken single people come together, not knowing their worth, identity and purpose and are merely using each other without them realizing it, it would be very difficult for them to pass on a healthy self worth and identity to their children. Our choices matter so much. What the kids grow up seeing from their parents is what they will believe to be right. No wonder we see patterns of alcoholism, drug addiction, infidelity, early pregnancy, in families.
But don’t lose hope. Consider these words (which were the words Bro. Bo spoke during the first time I ever heard him give a talk):
I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.
We get to choose! God gave us the power to pass down curses OR blessings. Someone just sent me this quote while writing this article:
“The same people who are candy to our eyes can be poison to our hearts. Study their ingredients before feeding them your soul.”
People aren’t bad in themselves but if they aren’t being led by the Spirit of God, guess what spirit is leading them? We have to keep on guarding our hearts!
Let me go back a bit to my love story. One day, I was praying to God and offering my current relationship, I told him if this guy wasn’t His will for me, then just tell me clearly and I’ll let it go. Right after uttering that scary prayer, my then bf started calling. I felt God just activated His plan. I decided to let go of our 10 year old on and off relationship.
2 months after letting him go, another ex came back (told you I had a confused needy heart), someone I am still deeply attracted to, but this time the biggest change was, I am already consulting God about my love life. And he doesn’t mince His words, this is what God clearly told me – through the mass, people and even through a cartoons (they were singing this verse and dancing to it! crazy right?) a little girl happened to be watching when I passed by our guest house in Pangasinan.
Matthew 22:37 (TPT)
Love the Lord your God with every passion in your heart, with all the energy of your being and with every thought that is within you.
I felt in my heart God telling me, “my daughter, can it be just Me this time? You’ve never given me your whole heart and it always just left you empty. Can you give me a chance now?” Despite my strong feelings developing towards this ex, I decided to obey God and said no to him. And you know what, my decision turned out to be very wise. The time he was going after me, he was actually addicted to gambling. I found out because he’d borrow money from me. Whew! Thank God for saving me!
I started running to God’s healing love to repair the wounds in my heart. And boy oh boy, He really is the PERFECT FATHER. He disciplines, He spoils me at times, He revealed my worth and showed me my purpose!
God is a God of order and peace and He revealed to me that He has an order for romance: it is Master Mission Mate but what usually happens is MATE, MESSY, MISERABLE. The kids suffer the most, I know, because I teach thousands of them.
I also realized that all the things God thought up for our good, the devil distorts and twists – be it romance, marriage, sex. He blinds us from the truth and uses pleasure to keep us walking the path that leads to destruction. Sadly, we sometimes assist the devil in his plans when we walk away from Gods commands which He made out of love for us. I encourage you to look up Jonathan Edwards and Max Jukes to give you a clearer picture of what I mean.
I can say that I am now at my happiest, even without a man in the picture. I have THE MAN Jesus, and the longings of my heart have never been this satisfied till now.
I pray this article enlightened you and I hope you will grab a copy of my book Why is My Forever Taking Forever? Available in bookstores nationwide and in kerygmabooks.com. I believe every household should have it, every woman should read it, it’s time to stop the schemes of the enemy and start activating God’s most beautiful plans in our lives.
Again, God has given us the freedom to choose.
I pray you will choose life.
I would love to give you a copy of the PDF Master Mission Mate also, just email me: Marianne.Mencias@GMail.com
Editor’s Note: Marianne Mencias is also the author of the book “What’s Your Life’s Masterpiece?” which is made available on Amazon.com. To order, click here. You can also purchase her book “Why Is My Forever Taking Forever?” at Kerygma Books by clicking on this link: https://shop.kerygmabooks.com/product/why-is-my-forever-taking-forever.